My Confessionary Hymn

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned.

It's been 26 years since my last confession.

What, you might ask, does an angelic girl like me have to confess about?

Exhibitionism, for one. So sit back, relax, and binge on my purging.

1. When I have headphones on at work, 80% of the time I'm listening to Christmas music.
2. I answer about 20% of the calls I receive. Even when I've nothing to do.
3. When I text and say, "Can't talk, but what's up?" I can nearly always talk.
4. I don't miss an episode of Gossip Girl.
5. My inability to stay angry at people really makes me angry.
6. I miss Salt Lake more than I let on.
7. I fight the urge to further ink up my body nearly weekly.
8. When I'm sleepy I make purchases via my iPhone that I usually don't recall until I see an order confirmation the next morning.
9. I have fantastic taste when I'm sleepy.
10. I quietly judge people who have aol and hotmail email accounts.
11. I quietly judge people without Costco memberships.
12. I quietly judge people who don't watch 30 Rock.
13. I no longer like to admit that I voted for Barack Obama.
14. I had to take a xanax before I spoke in church.
15. I read Missed Connections on Craig's List religiously.
16. I wish someone would post about me on Missed Connections.
17. I kind of swooned over Edward Cullen.
18. I know the dance moves to "Thriller."
19. I know the dance moves to "Bye Bye Bye."
20. I know the dance moves to "Oops, I did it Again."
21. I think the fact that I dated Captain Kirk kinda makes me cooler.
22. I use my kitchen to pretend I'm a ballerina quite often.
23. I claim frozen pie crusts as homemade with growing regularity (yes, I put them in glass pie plates before baking).
24. Often before bed I try on clothing that I've already tried on.
25. Sometimes before bed I stuff a pillow in said clothing to pretend I'm pregnant.
26. The truthfulness of what I say on dates decreases as my boredom increases.
27. I've been known to sacrifice groceries for the right dress.
28. I've been known to sacrifice the right dress for the right shoes.
29. I will eat the toppings off of any pizza left unattended.
30. I often pretend to see a cop in order to quickly get off a phone call - even if I'm not in my car.

So sue me, people.