Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Dark Confession on a Dark (K)night


It's true what they say--summer is a time of freedom: sunbathing, beach-frolicking, barbecues... and summer blockbusters. I generally embrace these activities with the energy and enthusiasm of Tom Cruise on an Oprah interview.

However, I feel that I have fallen terribly behind the herd this summer. And I come forward, filled with grief and humility to confess: I have not yet seen The Dark Knight.

Now my dear readers, before you make rash judgments, exit from this window or erase my number from your cell phones, I'd like to lay out my defense so that perhaps, after careful deliberation, you might find it in your hearts to forgive this painful and ridiculous folly.

The following will outline the reasons to which I have not yet partaken of the movie event of the summer:

1. I refuse to believe that Heath Ledger is dead. Or wears makeup.

2. I haven't had a rabies shot in years, and bats of any kind tend to overwhelm me with unease.

3. Christian and I are barely speaking these days.

4. I'm still bitter they cast Maggie Gyllenhaal over me.

5. No one invited me to the movie.

6. I recently saw Spiderman for the first time, and I'm sorry, but it was just a matter of too many superheroes, too soon.

7. I worried that seeing Batman save the world might lead to me engage in several fantasies involving Christian Bale. (Oh wait, that's just a typical Friday night.)

8. I can't risk being caught seeing a non-independent film.

9. I care too much about world hunger and curing cancer to participate in something as frivolous as movie watching. (If you need me I'll be at Nordstrom.)

So there it is, folks. You've seen my case. Make your judgments.