Tuesday, January 29, 2008

To My Mother....


My mom has a bit of a thing for Matthew McConaughey. The above is dedicated to her.



You might say that I have a difficult time saying goodbye. I’m awkward ending phone calls, terrible at airports, and when my little brother left on a two-year mission, I simply clapped him on the back and said, “Well hey, let us know how it all turns out.”

So you can imagine how torn I am to type the following phrase:

Goodbye, Christmas.

Today, I dismembered my tree, feeling much like the Grinch caught by Cindy Lou Who, tearing to shreds the very essence of Christmas cheer.

Each ornament, wrapped in tissue and tucked in for its own hibernation, broke a little piece of my heart. After all, what have they ever done to me, aside from sprinkling tidings of great joy throughout my living room?

I mean no offense to January through October. You serve us well. I even hear that some enjoy the warm months, basking in the trivial festivities of, like, the 4th of July.

But to December 25th and its surrounding advent, I pledge: I will wait for you. Until the Gods of holiday cheer bring you back to me, I will anticipate our reunion, when you will once more wrap me in the warmth of mistletoe and holly.

I will politely celebrate the impending holidays:dye an egg in April, light a sparkler for July, even paint my face come October. But rest assured, dear Christmas, that my heart is yours alone.

So long, my darling friend. I’ll see you in November.

Friday, January 18, 2008

A Gift for YOU


For those devastating days when I don’t have time (or creative desire) to share a post, I am adding, for your auditory pleasure, a small smattering of my musical passions. In case you haven’t previously discovered, I have, like, awesome taste in music. Take a listen and you’ll see first-hand why I am virtually powerless before an acoustic guitar and some melancholy lyrics.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

January is for resolvers.... .


It has come to my attention that we are 15 days into the new year. It is normally at this point that I have successfully broken all of my New Year's resolutions, but in an effort to more valiantly improve myself, I am publishing mine for the world to see. There. Call me on it, if you dare.

For 2008, I resolve. . .

1. Court appearances will be kept to routine misdemeanors. (i.e., no drug trafficking, assault and battery, or 2nd-degree homicide charges in '08).

2. I'm whittling myself down to three personalities this year. So long, Samantha and Jorge.

3. In my dating world, I will only allow ONE state-hospital-escapee per month.

4. Learn to ski.

5. Withdraw all moneys from my swiss bank accounts before German gestapo close them.

6. Brutal honesty in 2008. Or 2009. Okay, 2010.

7. Break up Brandon Flowers' marriage in a coy enough manner to simultaneously attain his undying adoration.

8. Return all calls to parole officers.

9.Perfect the ancient art of piracy.

9. Convince the greater Salt lake area that there is no harm in sporting hot pink tights to work.

10. Listen to one song per week that DOESN'T make me want to overdose on painkillers.

11. Convince the world that Christmas need not be kept merely in December.

12. Settle the national debt.

13. Star in a major motion picture blockbuster.

14. Take my vitamins.

15. Date an Irishman.

16. Find out, once and for all, who shot John F. Kennedy.

17. Acquire an English accent.

(number 14 is optional.)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

So this is the new year..


Much to our dismay, 2008 didn't wait for the temperature to rise before arriving.

We snuggle for warmth.

Pam's captivating conversation.

The expression my victims always make..

'07, you were sooo last year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Photographic Evidence That I...


1. Need to unsubscribe to the Pottery Barn Kids catalog.

2. Am willing to terrify any potential suitor in a 100-mile radius.

3. Would make one rock-star of a mom.

4. Will still need to stuff my bra when pregnant.

5. Need to purchase dresses too small to stuff sweatshirts under them.