Wednesday, May 27, 2009

San Diego Brings Out the Best in Me


..... and my hair. 

Friday, May 22, 2009


After a good year of reading Craig's List Missed Connections, I do believe this to be me. . .

24 Fitness Solana Beach - m4w - 30 (Solana Beach)
Reply [Errors when replying to ads?]

Date: 2009-05-19, 10:16PM PDT


You were wearing a grey top, stretching right by me as I did the crunches.
I wanted to say hello, and should have..

• Location: Solana Beach
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1179765217

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My Confessionary Hymn

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned.

It's been 26 years since my last confession.

What, you might ask, does an angelic girl like me have to confess about?

Exhibitionism, for one. So sit back, relax, and binge on my purging.
  1. When I have headphones on at work, 80% of the time I'm listening to Christmas music.
  2. I answer about 20% of the calls I receive. Even when I've nothing to do.
  3. When I text and say, "Can't talk, but what's up?" I can nearly always talk.
  4. I don't miss an episode of Gossip Girl.
  5. My inability to stay angry at people really makes me angry.
  6. I miss Salt Lake more than I let on.
  7. I fight the urge to further ink up my body nearly weekly.
  8. When I'm sleepy I make purchases via my iPhone that I usually don't recall until I see an order confirmation the next morning.
  9. I have fantastic taste when I'm sleepy.
  10. I quietly judge people who have aol and hotmail email accounts.
  11. I quietly judge people without Costco memberships.
  12. I quietly judge people who don't watch 30 Rock.
  13. I no longer like to admit that I voted for Barack Obama.
  14. I had to take a xanax before I spoke in church.
  15. I read Missed Connections on Craig's List religiously.
  16. I wish someone would post about me on Missed Connections.
  17. I kind of swooned over Edward Cullen.
  18. I know the dance moves to "Thriller."
  19. I know the dance moves to "Bye Bye Bye."
  20. I know the dance moves to "Oops, I did it Again."
  21. I think the fact that I dated Captain Kirk kinda makes me cooler.
  22. I use my kitchen to pretend I'm a ballerina quite often.
  23. I claim frozen pie crusts as homemade with growing regularity (yes, I put them in glass pie plates before baking).
  24. Often before bed I try on clothing that I've already tried on.
  25. Sometimes before bed I stuff a pillow in said clothing to pretend I'm pregnant.
  26. The truthfulness of what I say on dates decreases as my boredom increases.
  27. I've been known to sacrifice groceries for the right dress.
  28. I've been known to sacrifice the right dress for the right shoes.
  29. I will eat the toppings off of any pizza left unattended.
  30. I often pretend to see a cop in order to quickly get off a phone call - even if I'm not in my car.

So sue me, people.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Hot 19 Year-Olds Needed

Yes, dear readers, you read it right. And no, I haven't joined forces with Girls Gone Wild, nor have I accepted any of my recent offers to 'launch' my 'acting-slash-modeling-slash-escort' career.

Nope. In a completely characteristic stroke of selflessness, I'm writing this on behalf of the West's most eligible young missionary - the handsome, strapping, sensitive Aaron Radford.
He needs hot girls. Well, let me clarify. He needs hot girls who dig pen-pal type relationships and have a thing for delayed gratification. And since I am but a 26-year-old Californian who lacks access to a wealth of just-graduated mormon cuties (not to mention that I'D never write letters ad nauseam to a boy who lacked the time and geographical convenience to spend all day complimenting and/or buying presents for me), I come to you, dear readers. Below is an excerpt from A-Rad's last heartfelt plea:

"kristin* i need your help..i need hot girls to start writing me so i have some prospects when i get home...heres my address...send me cookies and i love you...thanks for everything

(address available upon request)

hey seriously about the girls..ha ha...but for real, serisouly..just show em some pics from my facebook or something..hey i love lookin forward to snickerdoodles..hey go home sunday..i get to call! i dont have your number! call mamma bear..i love you."

I'll take care of the snickerdoodles, people. You take care of the girls. Peruse the pics -- I offer all this plus some rockin' taste in music and a lil bit 'o spanish romance.

(Fine, the third one isn't of him, but it's a great picture and writing an ENTIRE blog about someone else is EXHAUSTING).


*It need not be held against the lad that he cannot spell his favorite sister's name correctly.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Elbow, Elbow - Tisk, Tisk.


Surely there’s one thing this year’s Miss USA pageant has taught us – and no, it’s not that pancake makeup has a place outside October the 31st. No, this year we have learned there is nothing more important than concise, wise and eloquent responses to those challenging and thought-provoking interview questions.

And as the bar is raised each year (let us remember that merely two years ago most Americans didn’t have maps), I’d like to offer a basic study guide to any of my readers who have their sights set on the public service that is beauty-queening. Or, if you’re super old (you wrinkled 24+ readers), these questions might help you prepare for something equally rewarding – like the wife of the US Vice-President or ball-girl for the San Diego Padres.

As always, I’m just here to help.


Q: What do you think the results of Obama’s financial stress-test say about the future of banking in America?

A: “I believe his stress-test just replaced sobriety tests as the FUNNEST to fail!”

Q: Do you think the so-called Swine Flu pandemic should be a cause of concern when normal flu viruses kill thousands of people a year?

A: “Did you not see the swimsuit competition? I haven’t eaten bacon in years. Can I please have a new question?”

Q: Drug use among high-school students has risen in past years. Why do you think more and more young people are turning to substance abuse?

A: “I’ve never done coke. I mean, like, I’ve seen it at parties. But I’d never do it – um, I’ve had friends do it, but I always passed. Well, I mean, maybe not passed per se. Um, can we talk about the Iraq?”

Q: What would you say to critics who claim that pageants objectify women?

A: “These critics do not understand the actual purpose for these pageants – which is to gain support for our values and beliefs and to make a difference in our communities. But if I’m first runner-up I’ve already made a deal for the July issue of Playboy.”

Q: Recently a US ship carrying humanitarian supplies was hijacked by Somali pirates. Do you think the situation was handled correctly?

A: “Absolutely. But I mean, with all due respect to Walt Disney Studios, I think the first situation was handled much more cleverly than the second and third. Although, I mean, sea monsters can be really hard to tackle.”

Q: Do you agree with President Obama’s decision to release the so-called ‘torture memos’ of the Bush administration?

A: “No, for real. I’ve never done coke.”

Monday, May 4, 2009

And... Since I can't Facebook...

What does one do to showcase her new life in California?

She posts the photos on her blog, of course.

Now accepting visitors.