California, here we come.

As many of my readers may already know, due to your voracious appetite for the intimate details of my life, or the fact that I never shut up, I am moving to California.

TOMORROW.

Why leave Utah, you ask? The cold winters? The stifling landlocked blues? The seemingly mono-culture of it all?

Nah, I've just dated every man in Utah.

And so, dear readers, from here on out I will be updating you from Sunny San Diego (when I'm not walking on the beach, learning to surf or feeding dolphins).

Luckily, I have very real expectations of what Southern California will be like, since I have seen every episode of the OC, The Hills, and 90210.

Here are a few pics from my farewell to the beehive state. Utah, it's been a pleasure. California, I apologize in advance.

xoxo

Stimulate THIS

Dear President Obama,

In the wake of this vast, global economic meltdown, I felt it was only my duty to step in and offer some sound fiscal advice. And, as your sole advisor not being tracked by the IRS, I understand the degree to which the American people are investing their hopes (let's be serious -- it's all they have left to invest) in my sage wisdom and fiscal advice.

So we've got a few hundred billion to spend. Well, look no further, Mr. President. I've got a grocery list that's gonna nip this little "crisis" in the bud. Forget the Endowment for the arts. Forget ACORN, forget anti-smoking programs. No, dear President. My method is fail-proof. And substantially cheaper.

So sit back, relax, smoke a cig and let me do the spending.

1. Breast augmentation for yours truly -- I look hotter, thus enticing men to work harder, longer and better in order to impress me with their vast success. Vast success = more money = more money spent on me. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

2. New car for yours truly -- I have a car I adore. I stop getting into accidents. State spends less money on police duty. State can spend money elsewhere. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

3. Free graduate school tuition for yours truly -- I get another degree = I make more money = I buy more clothing = I look hotter = successful men spend more money on me while I invest wisely in the stock market. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

4. All-expense-paid vacations for yours truly -- I leave my job vacant for weeks at a time = my boss is forced to hire temps = job creation. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

5. New home for yours truly -- I receive lavish home = men assume I'm wildly successful = men feel the need to out-success me = men make more money = men spend more money on me. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

6. Awarding me large chunks of stocks in Fortune 500 companies -- I appear as a wise investor = others look up to me as a beacon of fiscal hope = others invest more wisely. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

7. A blockbuster movie contract for yours truly -- We successfully make me famous = America sees the impact of one little person doing so much for the economy = America wants to do their own part for the economy by investing wisely and spending their money on me. ECONOMY STIMULATED.

President, fellow Americans,

No need to thank me.