Pop-Culture Skill #1--The Self-Portrait

In an era of increasing self-absorption, few skills are as imperative as the self-portrait. I mean, how else are you gonna have, like the BEST myspace page on the net?? A true bearing of the soul--photography style, there are many forms the SP can take. Typically, the shot should appear as nonchalant as possible, preferably appearing to be the work of an overly-interested third party. Follow my guide and you too will be rocking default profile pics like all your greatest facebook heroes.

Now, the most difficult technique to acquire is correct arm placement. If too much of, say the elbow, shows, you're just another dumb kid with a camera. But if the angle is correct, you appear so interesting that random friends and acquaintances tend to snap your pic when you're going about your mundane daily tasks—like contemplating your existence in the world.

Example 1: Suggested Caption: "Oh, my, I didn't see you there. I was just thinking about poverty and capitalism and the downfall of western civilization."

While the above photograph exemplifies how deep you are, sometimes it's nice to also show a lighter side to life. Be silly and quirky, illustrating that you can show more than one face to the paparazzi.

Example 2: Suggested Caption: "My mom tells me my face might freeze this way."

You're fascinating. So fascinating, in fact, that you can't even sleep without your photograph being taken. Don't worry, we all sleep in flawless makeup. But please note: do not attempt this if you're merely an amateur; any and all signs that the snapshot is self-taken will strip you of any credibility.



Example 3: Suggested Caption: "My roommate thinks she's sooo funny." (apologize to your roommate later for making her seem totally creepy.)

Ah, the tragically beautiful. It's not enough to merely have a snapshot of yourself to display to the world. Give 'em a little depth, I say. Like in the below picture: can't you see how tortured and complicated I am? The first one says, "not now, I just popped a few valium." But add a glistening tear to the second and voila! We have angst personified in 8 megapixels.

Example 4 and 5: suggested caption: "Life." (exactly.. make them think about it.)

Oh, the mirror shot. Head cocked, hand on hip, severe expression: While it reeks of blatant egotism, you can usually pull this shot off with a self-deprecating caption. For further credibility, add "lol" to the end of nearly any caption. Tip: Do it in front of a dirty mirror. It's wayyy more edgy.

Example 6: Suggested Caption: "I'm a dork, I know! lol!"

For art's sake, self-portraits can be quite effective. Whether or not the shot appears to be first-person is almost irrelevant in this category. The subject is, after all, not inspired by egotism, but art. Singular facial features or body parts work well in this category.

Example 7: Suggested Caption: "All things bright and beautiful"

Remember, friends, practice makes perfect. And don't feel egotistical. We're doing this for posterity's sake. Well, and to break 1,000 myspace friends. Happy snapping.