He Said/She Said

I’ve heard that marriage is all about communication (but to be honest, I haven’t really been paying much attention). That said, RP and I are lucky to get a good two hours of face time a day, what with our early-morning surf/pilates habits and my penchant for turning in around 9:45 (seriously, I’d be more comfortable in a retirement center than a sorority house).

But even those few short hours provide enough time for some good, old-fashioned miscommunication.

For example

K said:“This purse was such a good deal I had to have it.”

K meant:“This was a great deal, in that it was 50 percent off of its original $600.”

RP heard: “I got a great deal on this purse so I could sell it on eBay to make a profit.”


K said: “It’s so funny that now that I’m married I take the garbage out more than I ever have in my life.”

K meant: “Take the $&*# garbage out, you lazy dog.”

RP heard: “I think you’re funny.”


K said: “I had a long day.”

K meant: “Please cook me dinner and say something nice to me.”

RP heard: “I married you so you would support me. Why am I still working?”


RP said: “If you want two gym memberships you should buy the 2-year deal at Costco because it’s so much cheaper.”

RP meant: “If you want two gym memberships you should buy the 2-year deal at Costco because it’s so much cheaper.”

K heard: “I think you’re fat.”


RP said: “You look pretty. That dress shows off your curves.”

RP meant: “You look pretty. That dress shows off your curves.”

K heard: “I think you’re fat.


RP said: “Did you work out today?”

RP meant: “Did you work out today?”

K heard: “I think you’re fat.”

I don’t really see any problems here, folks.